I want to start by saying a huge "THANK YOU" to everyone for their support and lovely comments after my last blog. I always try to be honest in my blogs and write from the heart, it does make me feel vulnerable, but that's just who I am. Sometimes I hesitate before I press "publish" and take a while to consider how I would feel if I was "trolled" due to something I had written - then I mostly think "what the hell, I'm not interesting enough to be trolled" and I press that button! However, putting up a pic of me in a swimsuit felt particularly scary so thank you friends for making me feel ok about it!
Ok, so lets talk about coincidences. Those of you who know me well, will be aware that I don't believe in "signs" from beyond the grave, I firmly believe that when loved ones die they are, sadly, lost to us forever. When people say "I was thinking about a loved one and a white feather floated down from the sky" I say "Coincidence!" Or when they say they were feeling sad and a loved one's favourite song came on the radio; comforting for them but to me - just another coincidence. Or, at least, that's what I used to believe. Now I'm not so certain about it. I recently had an odd experience (let's call it a dream) in which I had a conversation with my father. Now, I know that it wasn't a memory as I was a young girl when my father died and so I couldn't have had this particular conversation with him. During the "dream" he said to me "I gave you a voice, now it's time to start using it". I spent some time afterwards wondering what that could possibly mean. What was my "voice"? A short while later I was chatting with someone about my writing and was wondering where I could take it and how I could use my passion for words when I had a sudden flash of insight (a rare occurrence for me!) - my writing was my "voice"! Wow - what a coincidence!!! I'm not about to start theorising about the possibility of the after-life; let's just say that a few more "coincidences" followed my "dream" (including being given my father's signet ring; the only thing I have that belonged to him) and I have not stopped writing since! So, going back to vulnerability, I want to use my blog to share with you something I have written since the "dream" and all the coincidences. It's my first poem. I composed it in my head on a long drive from Scotland to my home and when I arrived I went straight to my beautiful journal that I carry everywhere and write everything in (yep, EVERYTHING!!) and I wrote it all down. I don't know if it's "good" or not and it doesn't matter. I wrote this for me and it has echoes of my family and friends within it, you may even read a line and recognise your influence. I've called it "Using My Voice" I'm travelling along my highway I'm building my own path Always moving forwards Coz I sure ain't looking back Too many years spent walking On the road they told me to Where everything is monotone And you're blinkered from the view I tried so hard to fit their mould And not take up too much space To stay quiet and look the same as them Match my stride to their pace But their world is grey and dreary It has no colour and no light From now on I'm walking MY path And I'm getting back my sight I'm mixing my own colours I'm taking up more room I won't sit down and shut I won't stand back in the gloom I'm shouting loud and clear now I'm using my previous voice It was gifted by my father And how I use it is MY choice I will be my own hero I'll be who I'm meant to be I'll find my fearless voice again And my words will set me free l WILL speak out when I want to I'll wear what the hell I like I'm not looking for approval I'm claiming back my fight Thank you for reading and for letting me share this with you. Look out for your coincidences!!! Love Fat Girl xx
3 Comments
Sandra dawson
4/3/2020 11:11:14 am
What lovely words Gill xx
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Gill Thomas
4/3/2020 09:02:05 pm
Thank you Sandra. I’m glad you enjoyed it xx
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Lesley
5/3/2020 12:13:15 am
Fabulous Gill. What a wonderful piece of writing too! Look forward to hearing more of your journey along your path!
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