I've been staring at this screen for the last hour trying to get my thoughts into some kind of order - and those of you who know me will understand what a monumental task that is! Firstly I think I should offer my apologies to my friends who have been nagging me to write more blog posts. I truly cannot understand why you would want to read about my mundane life and my rambling thoughts. However a very dear friend, whose opinion I value greatly, recently read the blog and encouraged me to continue so here I am with more offerings and the promise to at least attempt to write regularly from here on.
Since my last post about my hypnotherapy session I have continued to learn more about myself and my confidence has grown. I've come to learn that the only person's approval I need is Fat Girl's. As long as I am happy with my choices and content with my life then what does anyone else's opinion matter? Of course the reality of life is that I do not always approve of my choices and when the Black Dog is following me around, barking non-stop then I question everything I have ever done and conclude that none of it was good enough. I am lucky though because my Black Dog visits infrequently and his bark is not so loud anymore. Some of my family and friends suffer this damn canine for long, dark periods and it is so painful to watch them battling and not be able to offer anything other than a quiet, gentle "I know". So many people are still hiding their emotional health problems and feeling embarrassed or weak; afraid of the stigma of being labelled a depressive. I know how lucky I am that I work in an incredibly supportive environment where we can talk freely about such things. So, stepping down from my soap box ("Aaahh at last!" I hear you cry). Since my previous post I have continued to enjoy my new career, although I am still slightly shocked that I have re-invented myself at the ripe old age of 53. I have recently found myself thinking "Wow I wish I had known all of this when I was younger - my life would have been so different". I have a new found confidence that I never had when I was a young woman. I worry much less about pleasing people; about whether people like me; about whether I look ok. Of course I look ok - I'm bloody awesome!! I now wear dresses more often, I wear purple glasses and I BOUGHT THE RED SHOES!! All my life I have worn black, brown or beige shoes - aside from some sparkly flipflops in India. But now I wear red shoes - shiny, bright red shoes. Shoes that people notice, clothes that say "helloooo Fat Girl is in the building!" No more hiding away, no more people pleasing. During my second hypnotherapy session I was asked "if you were a car, what would you be?" My answer? A Rolls Royce - a shiny, red Rolls Royce. The old fashioned kind with no roof - sumptuous, cream leather interior, wooden steering wheel - the type of car everyone looks at and admires as it passes them by. A car with an engine that runs smoothly, purring under the bonnet, ticking over nicely until someone puts their foot on the accelerator and then..........
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